Men are liars. We lie about lying if we have to

Men are like dogs, train ‘em right and they’ll do whatever you tell ‘em

It’s better to have loved and lost…..than to have stayed with an idiot

(Your name here) is not feeling blue…..she’s feeling Lavender…..

(Your name here) can report after decades of lying his pants are not on fire

Who would be dumb enough to stick their toe in the faucet?

‘you’re cute when you’re mad’ ‘well, I’m about to get adorable’

I’ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming “CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!” when they have nightmares

“You know… that guy… with a face and name…”
“Ohhhhh him.”

(Your name here) wants to tell that nice stranger she saw while driving : ” Next time you wave at me , try using all your fingers

(Your Name Here) is killing 2 stones with 1 bird

alcohol is not the answer………..it just makes u forget the question!!

For all those men who say “why marry the cow when you can get the milk for free?” Here is an update for you! Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig for a little sausage!!!!

(Your Name Here) is not responsible for her attitude tonite… please ring 1800-likeigiveashit… and leave a message for someone who cares…

Men have a short attention span…but that is just the way we is…sorry gotta go, saw something shiny in the corner.

(Your Name Here) is changing his name to ‘Hugh Geego’

There’s a fine line between footy shorts and anal floss

The great question which I have not been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is What does a woman want?

Time flies when your foaming at the mouth
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(Your Name Here) can see right through you like you’re bathing in Windex
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(Your Name Here) thinks her internet would run faster if she ran around in a circle and generated it herself…
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(Your Name Here) thinks it’d take her half the time to get ready if there weren’t so many mirrors to stand and admire herself in
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(Your Name Here) is thinking procrastination is my friend… so much to do, so few people to do it for me..
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No one loves me everybody hates me i think ill go eat worms
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(Your Name Here) wants to tell the nice stranger she saw while driving, “Next time you wave at me, try using all of your fingers.”
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(Your Name Here) doesn’t think that people take him seriously…
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WTF WAS THAT!! Did you just FART with your face?!?!?!
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I’m typing this for no reason and you guys are reading it so you guys just wasted like 30 seconds of your life for reading this random thing for no reason.
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(Your Name Here) doesn’t understand why people like gay statuses such as ‘John feels really sick…like, ‘Judy is sitting’….like, ‘Emelio just went outside, got struck by lightning and peed on by a puppy’…..like
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(Your Name Here) looks through the Forbes list of the richest people in America every morning. If he’s not there, he goes to work.
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